I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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