We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.