My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me