I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.