I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
