I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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