i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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