I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize