I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize