it was like eating out sand paper
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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