Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.