I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.