We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days