oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.