Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
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did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.