I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.