Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
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Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now