dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
