3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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