for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
