I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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