He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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