I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually