I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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