I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Damn victory sex feels great
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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