Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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