the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Panties = found
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