it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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