finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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