i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
