Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
