This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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