I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
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Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.