Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans