I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.