mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver