Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.