I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?