it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube