So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
