Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.