i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad