Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
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Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri