But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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