I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
