Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
