just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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