oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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