Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
