Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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