Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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