he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.