I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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My breasts were aching with rage.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.