just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
only if we run a train.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?