I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties