I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?