I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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