What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
