Got a toothbrush?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You left your phone here
Wait...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
