Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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