Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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