dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
