Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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