Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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