i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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