I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
