Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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