I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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