Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize