It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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